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FEAR

FEAR

 

“I prayed to the LORD and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.  Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed and the LORD listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.” (Psalm 34:4-7 NLT)

 

 

The ambulance ride over was frightening enough. Then there was the thought of no one being there for me at the ER. No one would be there to hold my hand.  No one to say to me everything is going to be alright.  My husband was at work and could not be reached. My mom in Teaxas, my daughter in Florida and my son in North Carolina. These thoughts sent me into an all out panic.  I felt so alone.  Fear tightened its grip as the ride ended, the ambulance doors opened and I was rushed into the hospital.

 

Trying to calm myself I kept silently repeating, “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, joy and a sound mind.”  Fear does not come from God I reminded myself.  I know God’s word and believe every line of it, yet I was still fearful. 

 

Triage was my first stop. The nurse took my vital signs and checked the IV the paramedics had put in.  The blood pressure had dropped from 235/145 to 195/113.  I must have been quite a sight as I struggled to fight back the tears now sliding down my cheeks. The nurse patted my shoulder telling me, “You are going to be ok,” before placing me in an empty room to sit and wait for a bed.  I sat there alone and suddenly I realized death was not the reason I was afraid.  I knew I would be in a better place.  I was afraid of being alone.  I was afraid God had left me. Have you ever felt like that?

 

About fifteen minutes later—which seems like an eternity when you are alone and afraid—another nurse came and took me to get an EKG and afterwards she took me to an ER bed; you know the place right? Where all that is between you and others is a thin curtain.  The hallways were lined with make-shift beds and all the ‘rooms’ were full as well.  The hospital was understaffed and people were everywhere.  As I got into my bed, I tried to be strong.  I was still crying and silently began to pray, “Lord, I know you are always with me but right now I am unsure and afraid.  Please help me to calm down and make me more aware of your presence. Amen.”

 

At that moment I could hear her.  I know it sounds cliché but the voice of angel. A beautiful voice washed over me as she softly sang hymns to the Lord.  The curtain drawn between us shielded me from ever seeing her face but her songs of praise and thanksgiving drifted up and over into my little space as they made their way to heaven. The words she sang were so pure and sweet.  Without realizing it, I began to focus on her songs and off my fear.  The lyrics and melodies brought so much comfort to me as I lay in the ER bed.  My tears stopped knowing God had placed me in this section of a very, very large ER next to a young woman—who by-the-way was pregnant and at risk of losing her baby—that put all her faith in God.  There was no one with her. No husband, no mother, no other children yet she was not afraid because she knew she was not alone.   

 

A few hours later I was released but the entire time I was there this young woman sang.  Each time someone came into her room and then left she sent them on their way with a “God bless you” all the while not knowing what a blessing and comfort she had brought into my life.  God had used this precious young lady of faith to affirm to me that He was with me and as I got into a cab to make my way back to the apartment, I knew I was not alone. 

 

That was yesterday.  This morning I was reading in John 6 of my Bible.  As I read the part about Jesus walking on water during a storm the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart.  It is here where Jesus says to his disciples, “Do not be afraid, I am here!” (vs 20)  And truly I can say unto you, “He is.”

 

Always loving the Lord,

Lori Robbins   

 

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